Verne Troyer Is England’s Problem Now

The new season of Celebrity Big Brother premiered in the UK this weekend, and guess who one of the housemates is. I will give you 32 guesses. Get it? Because he’s 32 inches tall? I’m basically Vladimir BLOGOKOV, because of all the incredibly complex word games I’m playing. This whole site is such a puzzle. Oh look, here he is.

Verne and I, of course, used to be in a feud. But we made up for Christmas. So I really hope he wins this new show! How do you win Big Brother? I know it has something to do with giving Russell Brand a blowjob and not letting the other housemates eat you, but maybe there’s a special twist for the celebrities? In any case, good luck to Mr. Troyer.

And get healthy in that celebrity gym, Hamburgler!