Kim Zolciak’s New Year’s Resolution Is To Have The Worst Blog

After a nice, long vacation it can be hard to know where to even begin to pick up the thread again. I could spend the whole morning banging my head against the wall trying to figure out what was still worth talking about and what it was better to leave to slip between the vacation cracks. Or, I could just make fun of Kim Zolciak’s new blog (via JustJared). No stress.

She only has one post up so far, from yesterday, so it’s really just a baby blog, and I’m sure that there will be lots of hilarious anecdotes and really insightful ruminations in the future (I am not sure that there will be lots of hilarious anecdotes and really insightful ruminations in the future). But for now it’s just pictures from her Christmas Bahamanian vacation with her children and it’s the worst.

Recently I vacationed with my two girls for the Christmas holiday’s [sic] in the Bahamas and found some photos that someone snapped of me while at the beach.

Every year we stay at the gorgeous Cove Atlantis Resort and [sic] this year was a bit different because the series on Bravo was so publicized. It was fantastic meeting many of my international fans while in the Caribbean.

Wait, what? How do you “find” some pictures that someone takes of you at the beach? Practice! (Stupid. I can already tell today is going to be a longest day.) Seriously, though, “found” some photos. “It was so weird, I was waiting in line at Pinkberry and I just, like, found all these photos that somoene snapped of me while at the beach. Found them right there on the ground at Pinkberry. And the weirdest part is that I didn’t even have to ad a watermark for my blog to them. They were already watermarked and everything! Then I ate some Pinkberry!” Kim Zolciak lies so much that half of her lies don’t even make sense anymore. Fucking liar.

The real sadness, though, is how great it was meeting all of her international fans. :(. They really need to have some kind of post-show class for reality TV stars to teach them how to re-enter the world. The first lesson would be How to Recognize the Difference Between “Someone Recognizing You” and “Someone Being a Fan of You.” It’s really really different. For example, when someone is a fan of you, they sheepishly ask if they can have a picture taken with you for their own enjoyment, whereas when someone recognizes you they thrust their camera into their friend’s hand and say “dude, get a picture, everyone’s going to crack up at this shit,” and then they goose you and pull your wig off.