A lot of blogs are passing around this transcript from the Illinois Governor’s corruption scandal:
Get it? Because “shiiiiiit” is something corrupt politician Clay Davis always used to say on the popular HBO sitcom The Wire. That is funny, but I think we can go even further with this. And when I say further, I mean write fake scripts for season 6 of The Wire based on the situation with Rod Blagojevich. After the jump.
INT. BAR – NIGHT
MCNULTY is drunk. He goes to the payphone and calls Beadie who is at home wishing McNulty would be a different person.
I’m s-sorry, (hiccup), look, I’m working late on a–
McNULTY spots a pair of trashy middle-aged women giggling and drinking Schnapp’s at the bar.
McNulty hangs up the phone and wobbles towards the women, but BUNK gets in his way.
McNulty, what do you think you’re doing?
Come on, Bunk. Now that I am back on the police force in a surprise twist of events, do me a (hiccup) solid.
Unh-unh, I’m not helping you pull this shit anym–
Bunk’s beeper goes off. It is important police business.
We need to get down to city hall, right away. (To bartender) Could we get him some coffee? Black.
INT. CITY HALL – NIGHT
MARLO and his CREW are caught in a GUN FIGHT with Governor BOD GAGOYAVOCH.
My name is my motherfuckin’ name.
ZOMBIE CHEESE shoots CORRUPT POLITICIAN #1
Ain’t no nostalgia in this BRAINS here!
MCNULTY and BUNK arrive on the scene, guns drawn. They take cover behind an overturned BUDGET REPORT and start returning Marlo and Zombie Cheese’s fire.
Mr. Gagoyavich, sir, why are they shooting at you?
I promised Marlo he could have the vacant Baltimore Senate seat if he gave me a million illegal WMD dollars.
Bunk and McNulty continue to say fuck in differently expressive ways for three minutes. ZOMBIE PROP JOE walks in.
Here is your toaster, Mr. BRAINS.
Zombie Prop Joe throws down the toaster and leaves. Bunk lights a cigar.
What do you want to do, McNulty?
EXT. TRAIN TRACKS – NIGHT
McNulty pisses next to his parked car. Bunk pisses next to McNulty.
Do you think we did the right thing? Letting those drug dealers shoot the Governor in the face all those times?
I don’t know if I believe in “the right thing” anymore, Bunk! Everything is so complicated!
That’s true! I had also noticed that. It’s like the world isn’t black and white, you know? It’s shades of gray!
Yeah, although selling a Senate seat to the highest bidder isn’t really shades of gray, I guess. It’s kind of just insane and super fucked up.
Yeah, that shit is bananas.
Bunk and McNulty make out for 45 minutes.