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Who Will Be The Next Next Dudley Moore?

Interesting news from The Hollywood Reporter for all you Arthur heads out there:

[Russell Brand] is developing a remake of “Arthur,” the 1981 comedy that starred Dudley Moore, for Warner Bros. as a potential starring vehicle.

The original movie followed a boozy playboy rascal who is set to inherit a fortune if he marries an heiress his family thinks will make something out of him. However, he falls in love with a working-class woman and turns to his valet for help when his family makes him choose between money and love.

Finally, a remake of Arthur. And not a moment too soon. With the world in an economic disaster of indeterminate length or outcome, there’s nothing I want to see more than Russell Brand crashing his Lamborghini into the Plaza Hotel Tea Room as a goof. Somehow, watching movies and TV shows about wealthy people is a distraction that makes me feel better about my own economic situation, OR SO I AM LED TO BELIEVE BY ALL THE JOURNALISTS WHO WON’T STOP SAYING IT.

It is interesting to look at Dudley Moore, the out-of-control playboy of the 80s, as he compares to the out-of-control playboy of today:

You couldn’t even cast Dudley Moore as a CPA in today’s market. He was nominated for an Oscar for his performance in Arthur, sure, but was there a scene in which his pink thong peeked out over the top of his leather pants? That’s the kind of realism Brand will bring to the role.

Where do we go from here? In another twenty years, when it’s time to reboot the Arthur franchise again, because the first rule of Hollywood is that “At Some Point It Is Always Time To Reboot The Arthur Franchise Again,” how will we get even more aimless and louche than Russell Brand? I know that it may seem like we don’t need to get any more outrageous than him, but that’s not how things work. We always have to go bigger.

Here are my casting predictions for Arthur (2031):

This poodle:

Using the technology that began with Beverly Hills Chihuahua an actual talking dog is the next stage in Arthur evolution. This will lead to all sorts of hilarious “he’s such a dog,” and “bad to the chewbone” jokes. That may seem silly to you know, but it’s the future we’re talking about. Brawndo has the electrolytes plants need!

A humanoid robot:

There’s a very real possibility that by the year 2031, the robot uprising will have occurred, so this won’t be so much stunt casting as it will be how all movies are made. Know your audience. The good news is that we won’t have to sit through another Arthur remake because Dictate 208-ZL clearly states there is no entertainment in the harvesting fields where humans are grown for robot fuel.

A bag of heroin:

Arthur’s family wants him to marry a society girl that they think will help him settle down and make something of himself, the only problem is HE’S A BAG OF HEROIN.

The kid from Ace Ventura Jr.:

America is at the precipice of an enormous crossroads. Either we get control of Josh Flitter now and guide his career down a more tolerable path, or we face the very real possibility of him staging a coup and taking over all of Hollywood with his right-hand man Andy Milonakis and thereafter playing all the roles. Even our beloved Arthur. Especially our beloved Arthur.