Whopper Virgins Do It At Hotels

Poor Burger King. Their garbage food is so delicious but they are never going to win. Their war on McDonald’s is like Pepsi taking on Coke. Literally. There’s obviously not a joke there, it’s just the same thing. In each instance the second tier corporation with the smaller market share tries to put an end to the dominating corporation’s controlling stake in the industry. But to no avail. Which is why Burger King can trot out its clever Subservient Chickens and it’s Improv Everywhere Missions and still get totally demolished by a stock photo baby with golden arches for eyes and the words “I’m Lovin’ It” coming out of its butt.

Now, in their latest round of trying to be the Justin Long to McDonald’s John Hodgman, Burger King is trotting out a new series called Whopper Virgins, in which foreigners have been stolen from the remotest regions of the world, packed into slave helicopters, and shipped to some Hyatt Regency ballroom somewhere, for the “ultimate taste test” against the Big Mac. The campaign hasn’t even launched yet, and it’s already come under heavy criticism by the Xenophobic Asshole Police who hate when people or enterprises are Xenophobic Assholes. Come on, guys, don’t you realize exploiting other people’s native culture is just a funny way to sell more industrially produced garbage food? Burger King is literally made out of garbage. It’s wonderful.

A couple ads preparing people for the ads have leaked to the internet. I’ve posted them after the jump. That’s a thing now. There are ads to promote ads. ))<>((.

I’m actually pretty sure that first one was filmed in the exact same village as Borat, and we all know how well that turned out. Oh well, that’s what you get when you make Jimmy Kimmel the VP of the North American Marketing Division.