With Friends Like Tila Tequila Who Needs Friends Like Tila Tequila

It’s 2008. Making fun of Tila Tequila is like making fun of fish in a barrel. We are beyond that. And you know what, she won. Good for her. She may be borderline mentally retarded, but she counted all of entertainment’s toothpicks instantaneously, if you know what I mean. Rain Man reference, perfect timing. The point is that if you love someone you have to set them free, but if you hate someone you also have to set them free. Fly away little Tila Tequila! Borne on wings of desperation and the gentle breeze created by gasping attempts to fill the inner-void.

And the same goes for people who like Tila Tequila. I have no idea what there is to like, but that’s not my question to answer. That belongs to the long dark nights of the soul faced by every Tila Tequila fan. Maybe it’s her inability to construct complete sentences due to having the intellectual engagement of a tampon dispenser. Or maybe you just really like people who also have MySpace pages. I don’t know, but we all like what we like, so enjoy it.

But not everyone feels the way I do. Some people think that Tila Tequila fans are a prime target for mockery. The problem is that when you’re a helpless, ridiculed Tila Tequila fan in need of some well-spoken words of defense and encouragement, the person who’s going to take on the haters for you is…Tila Tequila.

Yup. I think you would be hard-pressed to think of another “celebrity” who would take time out of her busy schedule to sit in what appears to be a PUBLIC RESTROOM and ramble incoherently for four minutes about how her child fans are gorgeous and love their lifes (sic). Take that, haterz.