Beyonce’s “If I Were A Boy” Is Going To Set Back Gender Relations 200 Years

The human impulse to record yourself doing something that you would never do in front of your friends or family, and put that video up on YouTube is new to the human condition, which means that we haven’t quite figured out as a people how to deal with it. Sometimes those who do the recording and posting don’t even seem to know why they’re doing it. But the confusion and desperate need for clarity is reaching new levels of intensity now that Beyonce’s “If I Were A Boy” is a huge hit. Because it poses the eternal question, what if I feel the desperate need to record myself singing this song and put it up on YouTube, but I AM a boy? Will all my friends think that I’m a total gay? Will they not realize that I just really love that song and want to sing it in a video but that I totally know that I am a boy and that the song is supposed to be a girl? Because I totally know I’m a boy, OK? You know, that eternal question.

The answer, apparently, is no, as long as you give a long, confusing introduction to the video, explaining to everyone that you know you’re a boy, duh, and you just want to sing the song, on video, and distribute that video. It’s not like you don’t know you’re a boy, because you totally do. And just to eliminate any remaining confusion, you have changed some of the lyrics because probably the song wouldn’t even make sense if you just sang it since you are totally a boy. How would that work hahahaha? So that should hopefully solve the problem. Because obviously JUST NOT SINGING THE SONG AND POSTING IT ON YOUTUBE IN THE FIRST PLACE IF YOU’RE SO WORRIED ABOUT IT is not an option.


Good job, guys. You did it.