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True Blood: Wow, What A Terrible Season Finale

What happened? Not what happened on the show because of all the exciting mysteries, but literally what happened? That was obviously not a season finale. Was it because of the Writers Strike? Because that ended a billion years ago. Get it together HBO. I know you’re not TV, or whatever, but you’re kind of TV. Even Entourage had a proper season finale, and Entourage is retarded. It’s normal for a season finale to have big cliffhangers, but that’s just it. Last night’s cliffhangers all seem relatively small. Certainly not any bigger than when Vampire Bill might have been burned up in that house, or when Vampire Bartender was about to eat Sookie.

So, as of last night, the moderate cliffhangers are that we don’t know who Marianne is. We don’t know if Bill killed Lafayette. We don’t know what the big deal is about the teenage vampire nightmare that the Vampire Sheriff couldn’t handle. We don’t know why Detective Andy Bellefleur has a dead body in his car, whose body it is, and also why Detective Andy Bellefleur won’t give it a rest with Jason Stackhouse. We don’t know why Jason Stackhouse thought that the creepy church magazine was so boring and yet was converted to their entire mission the moment he heard the word “miracle.” And we don’t know why no one will murder Tara.

But we do know this, if you have been on the fence about whether or not this show as the most ridiculous thing on television, this scene should lay that to rest:

Murder is scary and everything, but when the dramatic climax to your entire season has to involve a shape-shifting puppy, a sun-burned vampire, and tricking someone who is telepathic by THOUGHT LIES, you have problems.

Although THIS is probably the most dramatic reveal of all time:

Oh no, not the CAJUN DIALECT FOR ACTORS AUDIO CASSETTE!

This show is so ridiculous, but I admit that I am glad it’s been picked up for a second season. Somehow I just don’t feel like we’ve finished the journey of making fun of this show. There’s more to make fun of!

Probably two seasons will be enough, though. Two seasons will be plenty.