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You Only Hurt Yourself, America

Not to get all patriotic or whatever, but America is the best country in the world for comedy. We are the country of Buster Keaton, Bob and Ray, (early) Eddie Murphy, Arrested Development, and Louis C.K. England is a close second, but their stand up pales in comparison, and even their scripted comedy often has a little too much boom boom burlesque thrown in for fear of losing the octogenarian laughs.

That being said, we somehow have the absolute worst taste. What is wrong with us? I am not talking about you or me. We have great taste. If tastes could kill all our enemies would be dead. But America in general rarely appreciates the truly funny, and when it does, the recognition is a fleeting moment before America destroys that comedian or show with its insatiable thirst for watered-down garbage. See: (late) Eddie Murphy.

Which brings us to Jeff Dunham’s Very Special Christmas Special, which aired on Comedy Central earlier this week and was watched by 6.6 million people, making it the HIGHEST RATED TELECAST IN THE CHANNEL’S HISTORY.

OK. Congratulations to Jeff Dunham. But have you actually seen this thing? Clip after the jump, you guys, and apologies in advance.

Yikes isn’t even a strong enough word for what that is. HILLBILLY VENTRILOQUISM IS AMERICA’S FAVORITE? I feel like I’m trapped in that Ray Bradbury story about the guy who goes back in time to hunt dinosaurs and accidentally steps on a butterfly, forever altering the course of human history, except that instead of a butterfly the guy stepped on entertainment. Because apparently the entire progression of cultural development was for NAUGHT.

It doesn’t help that Jeff Dunham looks like an older Dane Cook.

I’m not angry, America, I’m disappointed.