The finale of The Real Housewives of Atlanta is tonight. That was easy. How long was the season, three episodes? Perfect. That’s plenty of episodes to get to know these wonderful ladies, and Kim. I’m going to be sad to see them go (I am not going to be sad to see them go). Actually, all this excitement (CORRECTION: “excitement“) is premature anyway because the must see episode of any Real Housewives season is the reunion episode. That’s where these small venal women set aside the charade of pretending that they even KNOW each other, much less like each other, and get down to some REAL TALK.
But for tonight, let the charade continue. Who will ignore whose barbecue fashion launch, or whatever? Who will realize her dream of owning all the shoes? You’ll have to watch to find out, but I promise you this: if you play this drinking game (after the jump) you are gonna be druuuuuunk, guuuurrrrrl.
- If Kim has a drink in her hand, take a drink.
- If Kim has a drink in each hand, take two drinks.
- If Kim refers to “Big Poppa”‘s desire to remain anonymous, take a drink.
- If DeShawn Snow acts like she’s doing research for a role in Mean Girls, take a drink.
- If someone refers to their jewelry line, fashion line or singing career as if it is something that actually exists, take a drink.
- If Kim wears something unbecoming of her age (63), take a drink.
- If Sheree acts as if she’s still got “it,” whereby “it” is something it’s very hard to believe she ever had in the first place, take a drink.
- If NeNe tries to impose her materialistic exhibitionism on her children, take a drink.
- If NeNe’s husband seems more like NeNe’s grandfather, take a drink.
- If NeNe’s caricatureish flamboyantly gay personal stylist friend Dwight Eubanks DOESN’T do something caricatureishly flamboyantly gay, take a drink.
- If two of the women have a pre-rehearsed fight over speakerphone, take a drink.
- If DeShawn Snow’s greedy baby voice gives you a waking nightmare, take a drink.
- If Sheree makes you want to stab yourself in the eyes with a shiv made from the sharpened heel of a Manolo Blahnik, take a drink.
- If DeShawn Snow talks about how much of a handful raising three kids on your own with no one to help except for a cook, a nanny, 18 maids, and an executive assistant for the estate, take a drink.
- If NeNe reminds you of someone you have met who you felt was acting out in order to cover up her profound sadness, take a drink.
- If Lisa Wu Hartwell manages to seem above it all to the point where you often forget she’s even on this show, take a drink.
That is too many drinks. Go to the hospital.