Twilight comes out this weekend, and the fans are looking even crazier than those Harry Potter kids who wanted to stage a massive protest when Warner Bros. pushed the release date of Half Blood Prince back eight months. Clearly there is something about fantastical movies intended for children that crushes minds.
But it’s important for these young, mentally unhinged Twilight fans to be fully aware of what they’re getting into. Being into vampires as a 12-year-old girl is fine. Science says that it’s a completely normal part of puberty. But if you don’t grow out of this weird infantile obsession with paranormal dry-humping, then there is a much darker path that awaits you.
Because an adult obsession with vampires, much like an adult obsession with anything, is alienating and uncomfortable for everyone. You can write Lindsay Robertson and Edward Cullen on your Trapper Keeper now, but eventually, if you do not move forward, that niche interest turns into this:
You don’t want this, do you? No one wants this. I’m even going to be nice and assume the guy who made this doesn’t want it. Right, DJ Bobo?