Fucking Liars: The Pick Up Artist 2 Contestant Greg Is A RINGER!

As we all know (every single one of us), the winner of Season 1 of The Pick Up Artist, Kosmo, turned out to be a struggling actor named Alvaro Orlando, who had an online acting reel and everything. He was a plant! The other guys were just patsies! It’s not unusual for contestants on other reality shows like American Idol or Project Runway to have already dabbled in the professional industry to which they hope to win entrance. Kelly Clarkson had already signed a contract with a record deal before she won Simon Cowell’s heart! Jeffrey Sebelia already owned and operated his own clothing line, Cosa Nostra, with a list of celebrity clientelle before trying out for Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn. But for a show that purports to teach insecure young men with powerful social anxieties how to feel confident and enjoy successful interactions with other human beings, the use of an actor is disheartening. You mean to tell me that a nerd armed with a battery of tacky pickup lines written by a Canadian magician CAN’T just pick up any stripper he wants?

Well, it’s happened again.

In today’s post, I came to realization that followed a few weeks of arguing with friends over whether or not Greg was a ringer. He seemed more handsome than the other guys, and he was “progressing” more quickly. But whenever there was a shot of him from the early episodes, he was quite convincing as a total nerd.

Look at those glasses! Look at that hair! But here’s the thing: The Pick Up Artist follows linear progress from uncomfortable nerd to obnoxious lothario. And as a rule, even with Mystery’s velour top hat full of tricks, that is still a long and difficult progression for a human being that is genuinely overcome by anxiety, self-doubt, and inhibition. But imagine the reverse path. Imagine someone who was already relatively confident and self-secure. For them to become, at least for the sake of a TV show, a dweeb racked by low self-esteem, all you would need would be…long hair and glasses. WAIT A SECOND.

And then a smart and sophisticated commenter, Sean, pointed out Greg’s IMDB page, which is full of GLAMOUR SHOTS. Not only that, but HE WORKED ON PROJECT RUNWAY and has had a small role in A COUPLE OF INSIGNIFICANT FILMS. Not to mention his hobbies and interests:

Right. Greg’s reason for being on the show is that every time he meets a girl he likes he freezes up. Because he’s DOING THE ROBOT. I’m not saying that you can’t be handsome, speak Portuguese, study jiu jitsu, and be an accomplished pop-and-locker with SAG membership, and still get nervous around girls. But there’s “I didn’t know if I was ready to have a four-way in my brand new Jaccuzzi on account of I might return it, does that make me gay?” nervous, and there’s “I think I need to go on a humiliating reality show in a last ditch attempt to save myself from a crushing life of virginal depression” nervous. They’re different.

We still don’t know if Greg’s going to actually win the show, but if he does it will prove that not only is being yourself not good enough, nerds, but even trying to learn techniques to be someone more charming and confident than yourself is not good enough. The only thing good enough, according to The Pick Up Artist’s flimsy, dehumanizing logic, is to be a subpar reject of Hollywood’s Desperate Class who’s sick and tired of being an equipment manager on Project Runway and wants a shot, however depressing, at a slice of that attention pie.