True Blood: Like Looking In A Mirror, If You Could, But You Can’t, Because You’re A Vampire

I love the trailers that they’re showing at the end of every episode now because the critical reaction to this show is so overwhelmingly negative that they’re forced to use glowing comments from message board users to hype the show. “THIS SHOW IZ NOT A GAY RETARD” – fangonator_69. I’m not being sarcastic. I love them. The trailers. And the comments. Not the show. The show is horrible.

So Sookie is trying to find the murderer, who all of a sudden has been cast as the central point of dramatic intrigue in this show, except that no one cares about the murderer because he’s been a sidenote since the very beginning. Seriously, more time has been spent in Vampire Court and in Jason Stackhouses’s CGI Garnier Fructis Sex Commercial than building up interest in the murderer. Which is why they off-handedly show you who the murderer is at the end of the episode rather than waiting for a season finale reveal. Sure. Straight to the point, as usual, this show. It’s not like you’ve ever wasted anyone’s time before, True Blood, why start now? (You don’t need to be a MIND READER to pick up on the sarcasm! Get it? I’m writing jokes in the style of the show, which is to say obvious and lazy.)

Meanwhile, Bill has become a “maker,” and the new vampire under Bill’s care is your girlfriend:

For as hard a time as I have given this show, I will grant them this: they’ve managed to embody the entire vampire phenomenon into Vampire Jessica. She represents the two sides to vampire culture, and it’s your reaction to her that will show where you stand. If in watching this scene you find her to be a ridiculous, poorly-drawn child of abuse turned into a clownish ghoul of pubescent rage, then you are an adult, and you have moved beyond simplistic mythological treatments of the anxieties surrounding coming-of-age and human sexuality. On the other hand, if in watching this scene you think “fuck yeah, vampires are siiiiick. I want to fuck and kill people because I’m confused,” then you are still working through some stuff, and you can’t believe all the guys like Marissa Paulson because she’s not even that great and you hope that you get a locker in H-hall this semester because K-hall smells like pee and the lights don’t even work it’s like a third world country or something 4 real.

Next week: Season finale! “It’s to die for!” – Alan_Balls_69.