The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: The Hunt Is A Vampire

I remember reading an interview when I was in college with some filmmaker who said that he liked to watch all movies, even horrible ones, because when he watched a bad movie it gave him an idea of what not to do. He claimed that his reaction to a terrible movie was to come up with how he might have done it differently, correct the mistakes to turn it into a good one. Creatively that was an interesting sentiment to me, because I was in college, and that’s what college is like. You think things are “interesting sentiments, creatively.” And I used it to explain why I watched Batman and Robin three times, because it sounds way more thoughtful and engaged than “because I think I’m still a little drunk from last night.”

But I don’t feel that way anymore. Whatever director it was who said that in whatever interview I read was a jerk and a liar. There is nothing to be learned from these movies. Only pain.

When we left off, we’d established the following list of new nominees.

Man of the Year
Dan in Real Life
Lost in Space
Smart People
The Telephone Perfect
Kangaroo Jack

As you can see, The Telephone has been removed from consideration because it’s not available on Netflix. Sorry, but I think this whole project is difficult enough without having to spend the extra time tracking down RARE WHOOPI GOLDBERG DVDs. But, to take its place, we have a new type of nominee, which was not submitted in the comments or via email, but rather is a “Movie Submitted By Blog.” Elliott over at Urlesque used the power of the internet to make his voice heard. This is a highly recommended technique for getting your nominees on the ballot. The revolution will be Tumblr’d. And now, to close out this round of nominees we have:

Across the Universe
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
What Dreams May Come
The Black Dahlia
Bicentennial Man

I thought there was a sort of horrifying poetry in closing out this round with another Robin Williams movie. As if there was another kind of poetry.

The rules:

  1. It cannot be intentionally horrible.
  2. It must have at least one A- or B-list movie star in it. (no “outsider art.”)
  3. It cannot be Glitter. (Addendum: or Crossroads)
  4. It has to have had a theatrical release.
  5. Addendum: It must be available on Netflix.
  6. No matter how bad the movie, it cannot be based on a popular superhero.
  7. Gabe is the boss.

As always, feel free to submit your nominees in either email or comment form. Patterns are definitely beginning to emerge. Sean Patrick Flannery has played the lead in two of our nominees. Three of the Worst Movies submitted involve a mentally handicapped person, or alien, renewing a jaded idiot’s sense of wonder with the world. Stupid depictions of a retarded future are the most common. And I’ve been drinking a lot more on Sunday nights. Yay?