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This Recession Shit Just Got Real

Sure, people have been getting laid off in the tens of thousands, having their homes foreclosed on, their 401ks wiped away by an oscillating stock market. But up until now we’d assumed that Hollywood parties were going to be unaffected. UH OH. From Variety:

Don’t expect all the usual trimmings on the Hollywood party circuit this holiday season.

Showbiz party planners have begun to scale back soirees as part of industrywide belt-tightening. Several congloms have cancelled their holiday bashes, while others are simply toning down the revelry. After-preem bashes are also being reassessed in this economy.

“It would be foolish if we weren’t taking a look at it,” one studio exec said.

Noooooooo! Not the Hollywoood partiiiiiiiiiiiies.

A few of the changes that Hollywood party-goers should expect after the jump.

  • Chocolate fountains will be made out of silver rather than the traditional gold
  • Champagne will be limited to one Perrier-Jouet magnum per person per hour
  • The sushi bar will be eaten off of plates rather than women
  • Gift bags will only contain one complimentary first class ticket to space
  • The music will be provided by DJs, rather than beloved deceased musicians resurrected from the dead for a final performance as a testament to wealth and exclusivity.
  • Guests will be required to provide their own cocaine

Man, if Hollywood is going to start scaling back their parties, we’re all going to have to start doing some belt tightening. I, for one, have already stopped eating caviar bagels wtih diamond cream cheese every morning, and now when I go to Starbucks I get a venti no-fat water with a shot of ice. Get it? Starbucks drink descriptions are ridiculous! This is the worst economic crisis since the Great DeppreZING.