The Worst Local News Report About Pubic Hair Dye EVER

Between Vodka Tampons, The ‘Beave Commercial, and this, it’s really becoming Vaginagum this week, but this local news report about a salon that uses that Betty dye to dye women’s hair “down there” was funny for too many reasons not to share:

Reason 1: “Some women are dying it red and green for the holidays.” Who? Why? Gross! That sounds like the pubic hair equivalent of a cakewreck. Specifically, this cakewreck (but with red.)

Reason 2: “We hear men love it in the shape of a heart.” If they can provide one man who will admit on camera to loving it in the shape of a heart, well, they’re going to have to pay an appearance fee, because the only man who would ever say that is the Peter Pan guy.

Reason 3: THE GRUNTING! It starts at 1:08. And then it builds. And then they use the same grunt from 1:08 over again? Like a sound effect? And then it’s just grunting and moaning all over the place until it finally, mercifully, ends? I think this TV station needs to be fined by the FCC. (Thanks, Sachar!)