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This Isn’t Your Dad’s The Karate Kid

In destroying-the-golden-nostalgic-remnants-of-your-childhood news today, they’re remaking The Karate Kid. And not only are they casting Jaden Smith as Daniel, they’re writing the movie for him. Perfect. Love that kid (do not love that kid). From Variety:

Columbia Pictures is back in the dojo with a new version of the 1984 hit “The Karate Kid,” which has been refashioned as a star vehicle for Jaden Smith.

The script is being written by Chris Murphy, and the film will shoot next year in Beijing and other cities. While the new film will be set in that exotic locale, it will borrow elements of the original plot, wherein a bullied youth learns to stand up for himself with the help of an eccentric mentor.

Beijing and other cities? Wrong! Don’t be surprised if they substitute out a few other aspects of the original. Like, Daniel’s social awkwardness and loneliness might be replaced by being supercool and popular, and his old school training that utilizes the natural environment might be replaced by awesome new gadgets from Nokia and Sony. And instead of deciding to use his training to enter into a regional karate tournament going head to head with a member of the Cobra Kais, this new generation of Karate Kid will use his new skills in the protection of the United States government, working as a child superspy to karate thwart our enemies. And that’s fresh.