An Open Letter To The Warden

Dear Warden,

The Wayans Brothers are your problem now. Please keep them in jail forever. I’ve included a copy of the movie poster for their latest project, Dance Flick (via MTV), as evidence of why they are in jail and why they have to stay there. The movie was directed by Shawn Wayans. He’s not even one of the Wayans Brothers. He’s their nephew. There are Wayans Nephews now. At what point does that end, sir? I will tell you when it ends. It ends now.

You should put them in solitary confinement! I know that I’m not in charge of jail, only who goes to jail, but you should totally put them in solitary confinement. They should have to sit in the dark, shitting their pants and thinking about what they’ve done. Do people have to shit their pants in solitary confinement? I realize now that I know much more about sending people to jail than I do about what happens when they finally get there.

In closing, jail. All of them. Forever. And if one of them asks for a large poster of Rita Hayworth, DO NOT GIVE IT TO THEM.

Lindsay Robertson.