No offense to ourselves, but Videogum feels beyond irrelevant today. And you know what, GREAT! If things had turned out differently, we would have relished the opportunity to bury our faces in Ninja Cat videos and the false elevation of trampoline accidents to the status of international news. But today it’s just like, um, who cares? Tomorrow I am sure that M Night Shyamalan will say something in an interview about how he thinks that Lady in the Water should be carved into Mount Rushmore somehow and I will be like, “UNACCEPTABLE!” But today just feels overwhelmingly important and generous and soft. The news is dominated by recaps of the two-year race, and I keep getting basically Rick Roll’d into clicking on Obama’s acceptance speech on YouTube and all of it leaves me choked up. You guys, this is just really great. Which makes my job decidedly harder.
In the spirit of being honest with ourselves and each other, here are 10 things that seem SO STUPID today. By tomorrow they will regain their position as things of the UTMOST IMPORTANCE, but that’s tomorrow.
I still believe the Hunt for the Worst Movie of All Time to be a valid and important (OK, not important, but valid) cultural critique, and I stand by everything that I said about Spanglish. That movie is a stupid piece of crap. But we received a comment at 10:40 this morning from a reader named nick that just said SPANGLISH in all caps, and I just thought “Seriously? Even if I hadn’t already covered that one, seriously?” Although to be fair, nick is right. SPANGLISH.
I know that this is already over and that it was all a publicity stunt for Max Payne anyway, but there’s something about Mark Wahlberg’s proposed feud with Andy Samberg over what was a middling SNL sketch to begin with that just seems hilarious and outdated. I genuinely believe that what happened yesterday is like the reverse 9/11 not only for the inverse emotional euphoria that it generated, but also for the placemarker it left in our historical record. Like, we live in a post-Obama world now, and for some reason this fake feud feels decidedly pre-Obama.
8. Russell Brand
He got in some trouble last week or something? I don’t know. Sorry, Mr. Brand, but I just really feel like it’s important to focus on America today. We’ve had some really exciting news. Good luck with your podcast, though?
Last night a friend said that they didn’t understand how a black person could NOT vote for Obama and I explained that I found that to be a dangerous argument. Black people and also all people should vote for the candidate they feel is most suited and qualified for the office, regardless of race, and to further demonstrate the importance of this political philosophy I explained that if Sarah Palin had been at the top of the Republican ticket this friend would not have voted for her just to have the first female president. I don’t know exactly what that has to do with this video, but for as much as Soulja Boy is terrible at what he does today it’s just like, OK, whatever, do your silly dance silly man.
Fringe has been pre-empted for the past three weeks but now it’s just like how about we pre-empt it for all the weeks.
OK, this will definitely not seem as stupid tomorrow, because ending fake rap is important for our country. But today it seems like a silly thing to be mad about. Because, you know, yes, we are losing the battle against fake rap, but we are winning some other pretty great battles, right guys? Besides, when Obama said last night that we might not get there in a year or even in one term but that we will get there eventually as a people, I’m sure he was talking about ending fake rap. (He was not talking about fake rap.)
While I recognize that within a very short time, the aftershocks of Obama’s win could result in heightened levels of fractious polarization and probably a renewed, and energetic strain of racism, for the moment, for today, doesn’t it feel nice to just pretend like these people don’t even exist, and that even impersonations don’t have any resonance or even make any sense because how can you impersonate a ghost of politics past?
3. My open letter against Jay Mohr
Sorry, Jay Mohr. You’re still the worst, but on today of all days I feel like we should all just embrace each other and put down our grievances. Stop doing TV shows, though, please, seriously! Whoops. Sorry. Muscle memory.
2. Sarah Palin impersonations
Goodbye. The end.
1. Heidi and Spencer
Even if they weren’t total McCainiacs, which by the way it is crazy how old news that already feels, like Joe the Plumber? Good luck on your record deal, Blip. But even if they weren’t politically representative of a failed ideology that was decisively turned down yesterday, it is just impossible to give a FUCK about these two GARBAGE CLOWNS today. Even on a normal day it’s tough, but today it’s just like Sorry, some of us have better things to do, like remembering that we can all do a lot better.