The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: What Doesn’t Kill You Almost Kills You

Oh man. This whole thing has become like Groundhog Day. The only difference is that I don’t own a toaster oven, so I can’t drop one in the bathtub to see if my misery will ever end. But otherwise it’s exactly the same. WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO WIN ANDIE MCDOWELL’S HEART? OK. Moving forward.

We’ve run through our most recent batch of titles, John McCain’s friends. Elizabethtown is the last scheduled nominee. So, as has become our custom, we must now revisit the rules, and decide on the next round of horrible movies with which to make my Sunday evenings a living eveningmare.

We do have a few next round picks already lined up. They are as follows.

  • Man of the Year
  • Dan in Real Life
  • Lost in Space
  • Smart People
  • The Telephone
  • Kangaroo Jack
  • Havoc

Before submitting your nominees in either email or comment form, please consider, again, the rules:

  1. It cannot be intentionally horrible.
  2. It must have at least one A- or B-list movie star in it. (no “outsider art.”)
  3. It cannot be Glitter. (Addendum: or Crossroads)
  4. It has to have had a theatrical release.
  5. No matter how bad the movie, it cannot be based on a popular superhero.
  6. Gabe is the boss.

Remember the part in Groundhog Day when he apologized to everyone on his blog for the choices he’d made in life and then put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger? Oh, whoops, that’s the sequel. Groundhog Day 2.0: Full Throttle. Starring me.