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The CW Hopes To Match The Half-Hearted Success Of 90210 With A Half-Hearted Update Of Melrose Place

The CW is thinking about doing an updated version of Melrose Place because OF COURSE THEY ARE. It’s no secret that Hollywood has run out of ideas, which is why President Sarah Palin is advocating off-shore drilling in the Arctic National Idea Refuge. But the CW’s explanation for dusting off these narrative dinosaurs might be smart in a business sense, but is sad in a clutching at all the straws sense. From the AP:

The new “Beverly Hills 90210″ isn’t the cultural phenomenon of the original, but it has improved the CW’s performance among women aged 18-to-34 by 46 percent over its Tuesday time slot a year ago. That’s the youthful audience that the CW is trying to attract to establish itself.

“The new Beverly Hills 90210 isn’t the cultural phenomenon of the original. It’s not even very good. But people are watching it out of boredom. Clearly that is the kind of ambitionless definition of lackluster success we can repeat with our new show: Melrose Plizzace 2.0!”

Admittedly, as soon as I finish giving the CW a hard time about not trying hard enough, I’m going straight to my DVR and programing a season pass of the new Melrose Place. So they win. But if the 2010 season includes a remake of Models Inc. shit is going to get real (shit = blog posts? I seriously need some new weapons at my disposal if I am going to win my War on Everything).