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True Blood: Worst. Deus Ex Machina. Ever.

Oh, True Blood. Like many shows, each week usually ends with some kind of dramatic cliff-hanger, and like many shows, that dramatic cliff-hanger is quickly, unceremoniously, and anti-climactically resolved within the first five minutes of the next episode. It’s a frustrating trend. It’s the main reason I stopped watching Heroes! (Take that, Hollywood.)

But last week’s episode of True Blood had me convinced that finally we were getting somewhere. The rednecks had set the “vampire hive” (seriously?) on fire with molotov cocktails and Bill Compton was supposedly staying there and the coroner pulled four charred coffins full of blood out of the wrecked house. Sookie ran up and was so upset! Oh no! Maybe Bill is dead! Of course, I didn’t really think that Bill Compton could be dead since the romance between Sookie and Bill is the driving engine of the show’s narrative (the way that Tara is the driving engine of the show’s awfulness). But then again, it’s not TV, it’s HBO, and also this show was based on a book, and book’s are all about delving into damaged psyches and stuff, and I could totally imagine Sookie losing Bill right when she’d finally found love as being some kind of poignant something or other that redefines her character for the rest of the season. ALSO, I was on IMDB last week to look something up, and saw this:

Only 8 episodes?! Jesus, IMDB, SPOILER ALERT! So anyway, I was ready to give True Blood some credit. Maybe this show was about to become something larger and less silly. But then this happened (NSFW), and nope:

Um, WHAT? He was buried naked in a graveyard waiting for Sookie to come along so they could have rape sex? WHAT IS THIS? As Sookie cheerfully explains later, “he’s alive because he didn’t go to the house, he just went to the graveyard.” Why? He spends every night sleeping in his basement, FULLY CLOTHED, but now all of a sudden he sleeps naked in the graveyard? This makes no sense, and I kept waiting all throughout the episode for someone to explain to me why he was sleeping naked in the graveyard (and why he had to be a nightmare with the whole ankle grabbing thing, because what?) but no one explained it to me because there is no explanation because this is bullshit.

Has this entire show and everything about it been on FAIL Blog yet?