Videogum

Another Open Letter To The American People

Dear You Guys,

Whoa, seriously? You know, I’m fully prepared to admit that I might have been hasty with last week’s letter. As one commenter pointed out last week, “there’s a lot of kids in the US who like Disney and Pixar movies,” and it’s true. There’s [sic] a lot of kids in the US. I purposefully ignored the fact that parents taking their children to movies could be a huge driving force behind strong ticket sales in order to make fun of everyone for going to this movie. But in reality, last week’s box office win was understandable and maybe even acceptable. As Tom Scharpling pointed out on The Best Show on WFMU, at least with Beverly Hills Chihuahua you know what you’re getting into. No one is confused about what this movie is offering.

BUT THE NUMBER ONE MOVIE IN THE COUNTRY FOR TWO WEEKS IN A ROW?

Fool me once, shame on me, but fool me twice, WHAT THE FUCK? There’s [sic] not that many kids in America. Now it’s just our fault. The worst part is the attempt at explaining this national failure, as if it makes some kind of sense in light of our current situation and isn’t just a sign that we are the worst and we should all go to jail. From the LA Times:

“There’s an element in the film of these dogs and their owners being rich and spoiled. Audiences kind of enjoy watching their perceived nemesis being made fun of,” said Paul Dergarabedian, president of Media by Numbers. “Especially when times are tough.”

Totally. A tough movie for tough times! Beverly Hills Chihuahua is all about class warfare. When the ads first started appearing this summer everyone thought it looked ridiculous, but now that the economy is falling apart everyone thinks that it looks like a Marxist treatise on the natural redistribution of wealth. TOTALLY. No, yeah, my bad, this movie about a CGI talking dog is such a great balm against the hardships of our times.

NOT!

Go to jail everybody. You’re going to wish you’d saved that 17.5 million to pay all the lawyers.

Goodbye,
Gabe.