Why You Might Not Care About Twilight

If you’re a 14-year-old girl (and Videogum readers are primarily 14-year-old girls), then you already know that a new Twilight trailer was put on-line last night and you’ve already watched it 12 times and called all five of your T-Mobile Faves on your Bling Ringed phone to talk about how hot Edward looks when he’s so pale and strong. If you’re not a 14-year-old girl, then here is the new Twilight trailer.

Fair enough. But if you’re like me, then when you watch this trailer the first thing you think is “Um, no, everything will not change on November 21. On November 21, everything will be crazy the same.” And if you’re like me, you don’t entirely understand the Twilight phenomenon. In fact, you might not care about it at all. Here are a few reasons why.

  1. You are an adult.

I think that’s mostly it. Although that reason breaks down into some more specific sub-reasons.

  1. As an adult, you recognize that vampires do not exist. At all. Not like ‘they probably don’t exist, but I’m still keeping garlic in my locker because I’m going to be a junior next year.’
  2. As an adult, you are interested in adult relationships between human beings that have meaning and resonance in your own life and are not based on mythical creatures that can stop mini-vans with their bare hands and make you stand up in some tree after barely escaping the ragball game with your life.
  3. As an adult, you understand the realities of sexual intercourse, and as such you find metaphors about the power and tension and adultness of sexual intercourse to have very little to do with the actual act and sometimes those metaphors make you embarrassed for the things you used to think and feel when you thought about sex but didn’t really know what you were thinking about.
  4. As an adult, you are unaware of Twilight because Twilight is a book for children, and maybe you finally caved in on the whole Harry Potter thing but at this point it’s getting ridiculous and maybe it’s time for adults to start reading books written for adults again, like, hey, Bob Woodward and Thomas Friedman both have new books out about the inner workings of our government and the ecological ramifications of our global economy that are way scarier than some pubescent vampire who’s waited 400 years to kiss some mousy girl up in some tree after barely escaping the ragball game with their lives (and unlives).

Probably. Those are just guesses as to why you might not care about Twilight.