Madonna Hates Guy Ritchie So F’ing Much

Filth and Wisdom is the directorial debut from Madonna. That Madonna. Trailer, you guys:

The fact that this movie looks totally ‘fine,’ like if you did not know that this was directed by Madonna you would think ‘yes, that is a movie,’ (as opposed to when you do know that it’s directed by Madonna, in which case you think ‘I didn’t know there was such a thing as a ghostdirector’) is only further proof of how much Madonna hates Guy Ritchie. She hates him! She wants to eat his face! She wants to harvest the bones from his body and turn them into a bicycle and ride that bicycle all over town. She wants to use his blood to water her space terrarium. Because seriously, of all the things that Madonna didn’t need to do in her life, directing a film was probably up at the top. More people were hoping that one day Madonna would finally get her medical degree and perform the kidney transplant they so desperately needed than were waiting for her to direct a movie.

I guess when you’re in a super rich powercouple and someone ends up in the doghouse, it’s not enough to just make them sleep on the couch for a few nights. Instead you “express yourself” until they accept the terms of divorce your lawyer faxed them while you were fucking A-Rod in Malaga, or they kill themselves.