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The Real Housewives Of New York’s Countess De Lesseps’ Dating Pro Tips

The New York Post has a gossip item today about Luann De Lesseps, one of the most wretched people on Earth. You may remember “the countess” from the Real Housewives of New York. She was the one who made all the other women, who were horrible, look slightly less horrible. She was the one who every time she appeared on screen you’d ask “did it just get colder in here?” Anyway, apparently she decided to give one lucky (wait, what did I say? No, the opposite of that) New Yorker some “expert” (wait, what did I say? No, the opposite of that) dating advice:

New Yorker Lilian Raji and a Korean female friend were at the St. Regis the other night having a drink. Raji was talking to a man while her pal surfed the gossip sites on her iPhone, when de Lesseps butted in.

According to Raji, de Lesseps turned to the duo and said, “I see you working so hard on your BlackBerry; you can’t switch off. And I believe in empowering women, because I myself am a woman, so let me give you this advice. When men see females on their BlackBerrys working hard, it really turns them off.”

Keep reading, it gets better (wait, what did I say?):

“Men like women to be females,” de Lesseps advised, “to not be like workaholics, as that comes off as being uptight in the bedroom and control freaks. “

As Raji recalls it, de Lesseps went on to tell her friend, “With you being Asian, you have an advantage. My European friends in particular adore Asian females because of their submissiveness. So work that to your advantage. At the same time, I can sympathize with you as a woman in New York City, but you have to do what you have to do to snag a man.”

And with that, de Lesseps, who’s married to Alexandre Count de Lesseps but has been caught in clinches with other men this year, announced, “There are no cute men worth my attention here,” and left.

I always thought she was a horrible person from her appearances on the show, but I did not realize that she was a horrible person who spoke in fully articulated paragraph-length statements that sound culled from some kind of textbook on being the worst. Cramazing. She should write a self-help book about dating called My Vagina Is A Freezer. She should write a self-help book about dating called Eating Poor People Is An Aphrodisiac. She should write a self-help book about dating called My Value System Is Self-Centered, Misanthropic, And Sad. She should not write a self-help book about dating.