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90210: “What’s An Afterschool Special?”

Doesn’t it seem SO EARLY for a “Should Annie lose her virginity or not?” episode? But okay. Last night’s 90210 was kind of crazy. I kind of liked it. So, it’s finally almost time for the West Beverly production of Spring Awakening, and wholesome Annie is the understudy to lead actress Adriana, who is on drugs so we know what that will mean. And Annie, who is fifteen, has decided she’s going to lose her virginity to Ty. There’s this whole thing where her dad catches them making out and then her mom gives her a really silly sex talk that Annie compares to an afterschool special and Silver is like “What’s an afterschool special?” and Annie’s like “Google it.” So Annie is all set to be Adriana’s understudy in the play and then go have sex with Ty in the hotel room at the Roosevelt Hotel afterwards, when things take a really messed up and shocking turn…

Adriana disappears! Has anybody seen Adriana?:

(Sorry.) So then Annie does Adriana’s part in the play and is really good, and then she asks her brother Dixon for a very special item he’s been keeping in his wallet for five four years. I used to think Tristan Wilds was a bad actor on this show, but now I realize that it’s just impossible for anyone to sell lines like “She’s a big seething pot of mean” (he’s talking about Silver. They like each other all of a sudden):

Then Annie tells Ethan she’s going to go do Ty, but when she gets to the hotel room, Adriana is there instead and is all like “Ty is in the shower rinsing his penis off!” (Which is a lie!):

So Annie runs away and gives a speech about how here she is “in Hollywood at the Roosevelt Hotel about to give it up to some guy she barely knows,” and she doesn’t want to be part of “all your friends with all their benefits!”

And then Dixon and The Big Seething Pot Of Mean are about to do it but OOPS he gave his condom to his sister! The parents were worried about the wrong kid!:

And then life was really hard for Annie and she cried:

Next week someone gets pushed!