Dane Cook Should Be A Lawyer!

Videogum has been respectfully silent on the Dane Cook dog poop scandal, but now it’s getting ridiculous. (Wait, NOW it’s getting ridiculous?) Basically, Dane Cook’s dog pooped all over the common area of his apartment complex. He denied it, but there was video evidence, and finally the owners took him to court. A judge decided to evict Dane Cook. But Dane Cook has attempted to appeal the decision with the most cramazing work of jurisprudence ever. From TMZ:

Cook claims he only rented the apartment in the first place because his heroes, [John] Belushi and [Steve]] Martin, used to live in the same complex back in the day, and according to the court docs filed in L.A. County Superior Court, he would suffer serious “mental and emotional” damage — and his career would crumble — if he was forced to leave. In the docs, Cook claims, “I know that the presence of those that have lived there before me affects me deeply and provides me with inspiration.”

Cook went on to say, “In the same way that writers can get writer’s block, comedians can really easily run out of ideas and ‘stories’; I am extremely frightened that this will happen to me if I am forced to move out of my apartment. I’ve seen it happen to other comics, that something interferes with their connection to their creative muse, and it’s destroyed careers.”

Incredible. “Your honor, I only rented the apartment in the first place because my heroes used to live there, so you can’t possibly expect me to also not let my dog shit everywhere all the time. Also, I’m worried that if you evict me from my apartment, I will no longer be able to steal jokes from actual comedians, and that something will interfere with the connection to my creative muse, depriving the world of Employee of the Month 2.” I’m no lawyer, but I’m pretty sure Dane Cook should go to jail.