Today is one of those days where it’s hard to write a blog about nonsense. In reality, every day should be a hard day to write about nonsense because we live in a serious world with very serious sadness going on all the time. But today is about AMERICAN sadness, so, you know, it’s sadder. Even Heidi Montag is probably a little sad today, and her brain is made out of rubber and frisé lettuce. And as much as we’d prefer to ignore the whole thing out of respect and also a sort of worn-down emotional nub that’s been heavily callused by seven years of incessant fear-mongering, which actually seems like the height of disrespect for those who were lost when you actually think about it, the rules of the internet clearly state that every blog must somehow address our nation’s most fateful day.
So, let’s get this over with.
There. Now that we’ve dealt with the elephant in the room (in which the elephant caused thousands of deaths and led the world into seven years of chaotic violence with no end in sight), we return to our regular schedule of penis slides and putting Kathy Griffin in her place.