From G’s To Gents: Team Creepa For The Win

Last week, I thought that Mr. Bentley eliminated my champion. T Jones was a competitor without guile. He might not have been a G exactly, but he definitely had his eyes set on Gent. Also he was so lovable! (Nullus!) But we have to carry on without him, and this week a new champion entered the Gentleman’s Coliseum and laid waste to his competition. I’m talking, of course, about Creepa. Man, Creepa, you guys! He’s been the show’s dark horse (yikes, careful!) from the beginning, but last night he was out of control with the sympathy and the pathos. Team Creepa! Sorry, T Jones. But you know how it is. Ain’t no nostalgia in this shit here.

There’s no real challenge this week, but Fonzworth Bentley brings his mom in to provide the G’s with therapy? Like almost everything on this show, this should be ridiculous and unbearable, but it’s not. (Although, just like every pair of Fonzworth Bentley’s pants on this show,
Fonzworth Bentley’s pants are ridiculous and unbearable
.) Mrs. Bentley asks the G’s to open up to her and pretend that she’s their mom and tell her whatever it is they want to get off their chest, and the fact of the matter is, it works. Everyone takes the exercise totally seriously, and there’s genuine emotion. The only time it’s kind of unbearable is when it gets to Cee. The guy cannot NOT cry all the time, and while I want to be supportive of his ability to emote, if you cry as much while presenting a fake PowerPoint presentation for your imaginary radio station as you do in sharing the story of how you were put up for adoption, it’s really hard to take you seriously.

Still, thinks get real for Mr. Bentley.

Because he brought someone important in his life onto the show, Mr. Bentley has decided that it’s time to bring people important in the G’s life onto the show. Send in the moms and baby’s mamas and babies! Now listen. No one gives a fuck about reality TV. And that’s correct. You shouldn’t. And I don’t give a fuck as much (as little?) as anyone. But when Creepa’s mom walked into the room, it’s the second time in as many weeks that this show has teared me up. TEARED UP MY EYES!

Man. That makes me cry. Real talk.

I do not tear up, however, for E6, who has spent a few weeks bemoaning the fact that he’s a deadbeat dad. Well, turns out it’s true. He is a deadbeat dad. True storayyyyy. Later in the episode it will turn out that he lives two miles from his child and has not seen him in 3 months? And he has no job? Boo. More like From Dese to Nuts for that guy.

At dinner that night, everyone is in good spirits, looking towards a bright future of playing cricket and wearing so many sweaters over ties. Until Mr. Bentley brings up the issue of obstacles. This sends Creepa into a tailspin. I don’t even know if it’s the actual spectre of returning to normal life that freaks him out, or just the word ‘obstacle.’

Mr. Bentley thinks that Creepa is not acting like a gentleman, and later at the elimination ceremony he will even consider bringing Creepa down on the carpet despite his not having any votes against him. But frankly this outburst just implies so much hurt and raw wound honesty. Family politics have little to do with gentlemanly conduct or which fork is the salad fork. Families can be real motherfuckers sometimes.

At the elimination ceremony, Cee puts his baby’s sparkle shoes on his box to try and convince people not to vote for him? That might work if everyone else on the show didn’t have kids, Cee. Or if your kid’s shoes weren’t so annoying to look at. If I was on this show I’d vote for Cee just because of how bad those shoes are. They’re ungentlemanly. In any case it doesn’t work, leading Cee to remark “I think those balls have dropped in my box out of love.” That’s what she…that’s what he…that’s what the he/she said?

Mr. Bentley asks the other G’s if they have an alliance against Cee and they admit that they do, but that they wouldn’t need an alliance if Cee wasn’t so conniving and wasn’t such a “con artist.” Mr. Bentley invokes the spirit of change by asking “Once a con man, always a con man? Once a deadbeat dad, always a deadbeat dad? Once a goon always a goon?” Sure, except that Cee is as much a “con man” as I am. I’ve seen Matchstick Men and the Sawyer flashback episodes of Lost. No one is actually a con man. Or accepting even for a moment that there is such a thing, Cee is not a con man. But whatever. In the end, E6 is eliminated, and that’s fine. It allows him to go home and ignore his children.