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Ashton Kutcher’s New Foray Into Children’s Web Entertainment*

Ashton Kutcher is a stepdad now, so his priorities have probably changed, and watching Bruce Willis’s daughters grow up has made him realize there’s a dearth of silly animated videos out there for kids. So he’s started a new web show/site called Blah Girls, which blends the worst parts of South Park (and come on, there are some very worst parts) with the worst parts (all of) Perez Hilton, with stupid little girl icons. He launched it yesterday at the TechCrunch 50 conference thing, for some reason, to the cheers and applause of a bunch of web start-up people wetting themselves because Ashton Kutcher knows what a Calacanis is. Gaze upon it, for it is horrible. Aren’t geeks supposed to like good things?

*At first that was a joke about how bad it was, but after 15 minutes exploring the (terrible) site, I still can’t tell if the target audience is actually teenage girls or slow adults, so who knows. It’s definitely vulgar, but in the most unfunny way possible.

Here’s the first one, presented at the conference, it’s just exactly like when a z-list celebrity is hired to speak at a company conference and reads off Mad Libs-esque index cards, inserting the names of company bigwigs. Meaning: it’s really embarrassing for everyone involved, and hopefully all those people laughing are really drunk:

And then here’s another one, narrated by Kutcher, where the annoying little faces make all the same jokes hack comedians made about Brangelina’s kids in 2005:

And there’s one more, but I just have to stop embedding now. It hurts too much. But lest I sound too harsh on Mr. Kutcher, I loved his short-lived early-08 sitcom Miss Guided. Maybe if the geeks had gotten behind that show it wouldn’t have been canceled. (Via YouTube Reviewed.)