From G’s To Gents: We Do Not Deserve A Reality Show Contestant Like T-Jones

Now that From G’s to Gents has entered the final stretch, the producers are wedging in a lot of half-hearted wordplay, like, “now I’m a gentleman and all I need are those hundred g’s.” I get it. So, with all that money up in the air, Fonzworth Bentley needs to make sure these fresh gentlemen will use it wisely, which is why this week’s episode is all about financial management. And who better to give a presentation on financial management than … Master P? I guess it makes sense. The idea is that these guys will actually listen to Master P because he came from “the hood” and has become a successful entrepreneur. The main problem is that he became an entrepreneur by wisely investing the money he was making off of his music career, which was based on a fundamental talent that he had to offer the world. Being able to differentiate your salad fork from your dinner fork out on the cricket pitch isn’t going to provide you with any earning potential or seed capital. Anyway, Master P asks how many of them have bank accounts and only T-Jones raises his hand, so let’s just move on.

The elimination game this week involves coming up with a business plan, working with some hired computer nerds to create a PowerPoint presentation, and then presenting that business to a couple of investors who apparently aren’t that good at investing if they need to come on this show to promote their firm. T-Jones and Shotta pair up and create some kind of barber shop but it also has pool tables and is a beauty salon and also snacks? E6 and Creepa pair up to create what at first they said was a record company, but then actually seems to be some kind of off-air version of the From G’s to Gents “Gentleman’s Club” called “The Gentleman’s Resort” and I have no idea what they’re even talking about. Cee is on his own, and his plan involves a 100=watt radio station that is going to only play positive music. OK. But before they present their business plans, they have a celebratory dinner at Geisha House. This clip perfectly demonstrates how the show wobbles along the line between unusually genuine sentiment, and straight-forward cynical reality TV outrageous behavior through free alcohol baiting.

“Dinner was difficult because not only did I feel the emotional conflict of being welcomed in a place that a few weeks ago might have denied me entrance, but I was also confronted with my failings as a father. Luckily, DRUNK.” The end result of this is that Creepa gets so drunk that he has to be carried out of the club by security and proceeds to barf up all the show’s good will onto a Pier One Imports carpet in the G’s to Gents foyer.

The next morning, Creepa takes off his “hater blockers” (sunglasses) and his gold fronts because “it’s time to make a change.” As with the dinner, this might be a touching moment as we watch Creepa’s attempts to shed the trappings of his self-destructively thuggish lifestyle towards creating a better life for his family. But when they arrive at the business meeting to present their PowerPoints to the investors, it’s clear that Creepa is still just totally drunk from the night before. Nice. While E6 presents “The Gentleman’s Resort,” Creepa interviews that he’s just there to emphasize things that E6 forgot to mention about their business plan, so apparently E6 forgot to mention “BING” and “Y’HEARD!” A lot. He forgot to mention those a million times. In the end, although the investors enjoyed T-Jones and Shotta’s plan for a beauty arcade, Cee wins the contest by fake crying.

Cee is safe from elimination and he wins $1,000 and the opportunity to give one of his fellow gentlemen immunity. Back at the house, Creepa keeps complaining about being light headed and having “high blood pressure.” I’m pretty sure high blood pressure is particularly dangerous specifically because it has no symptoms, and also that it results in the weakening of the heart and the vascular system, not in headaches and feeling weird, but I’m not a doctor. You know who is a doctor, though, is the hospital, and that is where they take Creepa. But not before Cee tells Creepa that he’s giving him the immunity. Cee says it’s because he really cares about Creepa and wants to help him, but it’s obvious that it’s just because Creepa wanted to eliminate Cee, and that is fine. Ain’t no nostalgia in this shit here.

That’s what he said?

Before sending Creepa to the hospital, Fonzworth Bentley asks him who he would like to vote for in the elimination ceremony, and then proceeds to place his vote for him. It’s only when he’s standing in there that Mr. Bentley realizes how real this is getting.

So, T-Jones is eliminated. I have watched his exit interview three times and ALMOST CRIED every time. It is the most touching exit interview I have ever seen.

Wait a second, eliminating someone not because he farted the least in the elimination fart-off but because he doesn’t need the money as much as the other contestants because they have children? Sometimes it is amazing how racist this show is, and sometimes I think it’s working harder than any other show on television to actually help people. Or help them as much as a reality show can ever help anyone, i.e. not drive them to kill themselves. This show’s bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.