Videogum

The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Round Two Late Additions

I’m coming to realize that I’ve set for myself an impossible task. I’m like Don Quixote facing off against the windmills, except that the windmills are really difficult to watch, and often the windmills have Bruce Willis or Dakota Fanning in them. The Hunt will never end. There will always be new terrible, terrible movies that require careful examination before they can be trustfully sunk to the bottom of Whoops Ocean. But Quixote’s folly was his charm. I think. That book is so long, you guys. Who can remember? I’m not a book scientist.

I’m going out of town this weekend for the holiday (labor is the best, we should always celebrate it) and I’m going to take one blessed week off from The Hunt. Just one blissful sloppy-movie-free weekend without an interminable mis-guided passion project looming menacingly over my Sunday evening like Kathleen Turner loomed menacingly over Sly in the Babyco laboratory. Please forgive me. Besides, we’re off Monday, so whatevs. You ain’t care.

But, in preparation for what’s to come (sadness, and hopefully death), it’s time to finalize the Round Two list of nominations, which is as follows:

  • Wicker Man
  • Zardoz
  • Crash (2004)
  • K-Pax
  • Hudson Hawk
  • Mr. Brooks
  • The Adventures of Pluto Nash

Since we are mostly through those, the late additions are as follows:

  • Ultraviolet
  • Boondock Saints
  • Driven
  • Spanglish
  • Gigli
  • Powder
  • Elizabethtown

The nominations are in, and they look terrible. Good work everyone. I don’t know how this happened, but I somehow watched Powder four times in college. It was on the dorm movie channel. It’s going to be like visiting with an old friend who you always wanted to murder. You know, friendship stuff.

As always, please feel free to continue nominating films either in the comments or in an email, and if you have not done so, please consult the Official Rules:

  1. It cannot be intentionally horrible.
  2. It must have at least one A- or B-list movie star in it. (no “outsider art.”)
  3. It cannot be Glitter.
  4. It has to have had a theatrical release.
  5. No matter how bad the movie, it cannot be based on a popular superhero.
  6. Gabe is the boss.

Have a great weekend, you guys. I know I will. For once.