A new poster has been released for Saw V. It features a man with his head caught in a steampunk’s aquarium, which is apparently one of the scariest places to find your head, and the tag line says “You Won’t Believe How It Ends.” Wrong, Saw V. I will never see how it ends. Because I refuse to watch you. But I will believe it. Oh, there will be belief. In how it ends.
I’ll even do you one better, Saw V. I will guess how it ends. You will never believe how I guess how it ends. After the jump.
- Jigsaw takes off his dress and is actually a dude.
- “Jigsaw” was the name of a sled that Charles Foster Kane had as a child.
- Jigsaw asks Morgan Freeman to come to the hospital and unplug his life support system.
- It turns out that Jigsaw was Keyser Soze the whole time!
- Jigsaw and Heidi stop talking to each other, but neither of them really has the intellectual capacity to even understand what they’re fighting about so the charade of their dull-witted feud continues for a couple more seasons until viewers grow bored and the show is unceremoniously canceled.
- Jigsaw is Luke’s father.
- Jigsaw is humans, he’s made of humans.
- Jigsaw wakes up and it was all just a dream.
Did I get it, Saw V? Fuck you, you piece of shit torture porn.