Michael Phelps To Present, Bomb At The VMAs

On the heels of yesterday’s news that Michael Phelps will be hosting the season premiere of Saturday Night Live comes today’s announcement that he will be a presenter at the MTV Video Music Awards.

The swimmer who took home a record-breaking eight gold medals from the Beijing Games joins Miley Cyrus, Lindsay Lohan and Ciara as presenters at the Sept. 7 VMAs telecast from Los Angeles. British comedian Russell Brand will host.

Wait, Ciara? I hate when there isn’t enough time to address all the things that are ridiculous!

While VMA presenter does seem more Phelps’s speed than SNL host, I still cringe at the thought of his leaden delivery of wooden wordplay. “I may have won eight gold medals at the Olympics, but Kanye West is the real ‘Champion.'” Or how about “Hi, I’m Michael Phelps. I have to eat 12,000 calories a day to keep up with my rigorous training regimen. My diet consists of pancakes and music that’s high in PHAT BEATS. And the nominees for this year’s Best Rap Song are…” Man, I should be writing the VMAs.

Anyway, I think we’re all in for a healthy dose of Michale Phelps Phatigue.

Last weekend, my friend Alex Blagg and I were discussing Michael Phelps over a couple of MARGARITAS and some CHIMICHANGAS and he suggested that everyone would hate Michael Phelps within six months because his constant appearances plus lack of charisma equals national outrage. I think Blagg might have been off by five and a half months. I think the Phelps effigies might start to burn within the next two weeks.

We don’t need no Olympic sized swimming pool, let the motherfucker burn? Is that right? Did I get that expression right?