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7 Actors Who Shouldn’t Play Bill Hicks

Earlier this week, the Comedy Central Insider wrote a post in reaction to the news that Russell Crowe is considering playing comedian Bill Hicks in a biopic about the late stand up’s life and times. The post was a list of seven actors they thought could do a better job than Crowe of bringing Hicks’s life to life, including Philip Seymour Hoffman and Paul Giammati. Fair enough. But there are plenty of actors who would do a terrible job.

7 of them after the jump.

Roberto Benigni

Pros: He’s funny.
Cons: He’s Italian. Like super Italian.

Wesley Snipes

Pros: None.
Cons: America is too racist for a black Bill Hicks.

Orlando Bloom

Pros: Pretty.
Cons: Bill Hicks wasn’t pretty.

Sir Ian McKellen

Pros: Great actor.
Cons: He won’t be able to lose himself as Hicks. It will just be like, “Why is Gandalf doing angry stand up?”

Owen Wilson

Pros: Laid back.
Cons: Laid back.

Mickey Rourke

Pros: None.
Cons: Prison face.

Dakota Fanning

Pros: Available to work.
Cons: Terrible at her job.

I think you can agree that none of these people should play Bill Hicks.