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From G’s To Gents: Stan Is A Clown And He Should Go To Clown Jail

Last night’s From G’s to Gents provided us (Us? Is anyone else watching this? “Provided me,” let’s just say that.) with some of the most startling contrast to date between who is on the show for real and who is on the show for fake. Let me clarify. Everyone is on the show for fake. But some of the “G’s” are clearly “fronting” in order to appear as if they need “help.” Let me clarify. If the imaginary purpose of the show is to improve people’s lives through cultural education, then some of the people on the show at least represent the raw (thuggish) materials that would be changed by the honing and refining of learning how to play cricket and identifying a salad fork, while other people on the show are clearly putting on a performance of being “rawer” in order to be on TV/win $100,000. Mostly I’m just talking about Stan, I guess, who is King Clown of Clownistan, sitting on his rubber throne up in Joke Castle, handing out his royal decrees in disappearing ink. Contrast him with Creepa, who works harder to promote racial stereotypes than Under One Roof, but at the very least seems legit, at least insofar as I think the ridiculous persona that he presents on the show is the same ridiculous persona that he presents in real life.

The challenge last night was for the G’s to speak eloquently. They were gathered in an art studio and asked to debate the qualities of various works that seriously looked stolen from an elementary school Parents night. If I were you, I would watch a rerun of this episode because the whole debate is amazing, but here is just a taste.

The best part is when everyone asks “would you agree with my opinion?” Because that is how gentlemen speak to each other? These challenges are getting so confusing because we’re halfway through the show at this point and we’re still pointing fingers and laughing at the stupid savages. It’s this insane balance between needing to act coarse enough to be kept on the show because “you need it” and also displaying rare glimpses of refinement to prove that you’re making “progress.” Its complex web of conflicting racial politics are so confusing, it’s like Lakeview Terrace up in this bitch.

So Creepa, Stan, Shaun, and D-Boy are up for elimination, and two of them are going home. Creepa doesn’t get any black balls (don’t worry about it), so he is safe. That leaves Stan, Shaun, and D-Boy. Shaun voted for himself because he didn’t want to be negative towards anyone else, and he felt like everyone deserved to stay in the house. You might think that this is a sign of gentlemanly conduct and that he’s on the road to becoming a better person. But it’s apparently a sign of him not taking this seriously? It’s Fonzworth Bentley’s world, we just are confused in it. Shaun is asked to hang up his blazer. That leaves D-Boy and Stan, both of whom are unbearable clowns. D-Boy might be eliminated because he is a liar and also he uses the n-word all the time but is actually Middle Eastern. Stan, who is white, says that his brother is black, so D-Boy should stop using the n-word. But everyone thinks Stan should leave because he will not shut up about being a stripper and about how he uses mind control on women, and how using mind control on women allowed him to buy a new Hummer at the age of 21. Stan says that obviously he needs help on the women thing because he’s fucked up. But D-Boy promises never to use the n-word again, and is allowed to stay in the house. Stan is elimidated.

And on that note I’d like to offer a quick word of advice to Stan. Stan, if you’re going to go on reality TV and posture as an uneducated, broke, uncultured thug who needs help making a change in his life in order to further your acting career, please pick a better character next time. You couldn’t even convince me that you aren’t gay, what with your constant stripping and loud boasts about all the womanizing with tons of girls we haven’t met because they all live in Canada. Luckily for you, since I’m the only one watching this show, you can probably write this appearance off as a lesson learned. You’re going to do great on season 2 of Boy Meets Boy. So confusing!