Outfitting The Cyrus Tween Army For The Tweenvolution

There was an article a week ago in the New York Times about the stealth marketing campaign of Under Armour sportswear that has helped to make it one of the fastest growing brands in the country. This is due, in part, to its direct targeting of military personnel, and the public perception of the brand as a macho line for top performance. Well, Under Armour is about to get its dude panties up in a bunch, because there is a new line of top performance undergarment that’s about to earn a 100 percent marketshare. From the Telegraph:

The underwear, for girls as young as seven, are to promote the popular Disney film High School Musical and have “Dive In” written on the front.

High School Musical underwear, you guys. Obligatory “this is as close as Zac Efron will ever get to a vagina” joke. Incidentally, the photo accompanying this post was taken from eBay. It’s called “marketing your product to appeal to as many customers as possible.” You should probably go to Business School. Also, if you think it’s gross that someone is selling High School Musical underwear on eBay, just remember, AT LEAST THEY TOOK IT OUT OF THE PACKAGE?

Anyway, for some reason, the underwear’s slogan “dive in” is making some parents in England get all parent-y.

The phrase is a reference to a scene in film where characters dive into a swimming pool. But the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) and the National Union of Teachers (NUT) have both criticised the underwear, describing it as “inappropriate”.

A spokesman for the NSPCC charity said: “This is part of a worrying trend of inappropriate clothing marketed at young children.”

Sue Ralph brought a set of the underwear, which cost £4 for a set of five, for her granddaugher at an Asda store in Broadstairs, Kent. She only found out what was written on them when she opened the pack at home.

“I don’t believe Disney or anyone else is so stupid not to realise the implications of the wording they chose,” she said.

“You let your children watch all these programmes, which are innocent and nice. But the merchandising that runs alongside them is the complete opposite. It’s sexually suggestive, inappropriate and wholeheartedly wrong in some cases.”

Um, if you didn’t want your children to have sex, you shouldn’t let them wear underwear. Duh. It’s called safe sex prevention. In any case, it’s only a matter of time before General Montana succeeds in her coup and institutes martial law on anyone over the age of 17. We’ll all be shuttled off to Adult Internment Camps to await Final Processing, and at that point no one will care who their kids are fucking, just as long as they put in a good word with the 4’11” prison guard covered in acne who keeps bragging about his XBox Live Gamer Score.