From G’s To Gents: The Kesan Breakdown

VH1’s colonial-era show about civilizing thugs using the game of cricket continues to surprise. In last week’s episode, at the elimination ceremony, no one was eliminated. Even if the whole thing is bullshit (and the whole thing is bullshit), and the show’s producers don’t actually have the intention of helping anyone become a better person in the hopes of finding a better life for themselves, the show is mildly bucking reality TV trends to at least give the appearance of decency. It could be a mark of our cultural poverty that a race-baiting show pretending to be superficially good at heart stands as a shining light of decency on a dark sea of televized stripper farts, but we will take what we can get and we will like it.

This week was all about treating women right. The G’s are taken to a strip club and taught chivalry (“Being a Captain Kirk, in other words, right?” — Creepa), and that the first rule of treating a lady right is to not objectify them. Then they are asked to test out their new skills at a party for Dannity Kane? Like I said, it’s mildly bucking reality TV trends. Let’s not get crazy.

But the real drama of last night’s episode was the startling elimination of Kesan.

Kesan was the house villain from the beginning, but he was my favorite. While all the other housemates criticized him for being a liar and an actor who showed one face to the cameras and another face when the cameras were off, it’s a hard criticism to take to heart when it’s coming from A BUNCH OF REALITY SHOW CONTESTANTS. You cannot tell me that Cee, E6, and Stan aren’t all full of shit. Not that anyone would ever try to tell me that, including Cee, E6, and Stan. And it was Kesan who threatened to leave the house at one point because he couldn’t deal with everyone putting on a show for TV. If anything, you got the impression that Kesan was seen as too much of a threat to the other competitors, because he was killing it on the challenges. There definitely could have been things going on that we didn’t see, but that applies to everyone on the show.

But so last night, Creepa put Kesan in a rear naked choke and then Kesan walks around the house all night looking for bottled water in the fridge, and the next thing you know, it’s time for a house meeting with Mr. Bentley.

After this, Fonzworth Bentley comes to the “difficult” decision that Kesan’s time in “the gentlemen’s club” is over. And fair enough. The fact of the matter is Kesan deserved to pack his blazer and go, but I am sorry to see him leave. It was a quick and stunning reversal, and I don’t actually believe that he was going to “walk around the house with knives and pens all night” as Creepa would later put it. Pens. Ha ha. The anger issues and the threatening to kill people stuff was out of line, but I have never seen so many “thugs” get so worked up over a pen. REAL TALK. And Creepa should probably have taken it easy with the whole rear naked choke and hanging up the telephone thing, weird big brother relationship that makes no sense or not. But Kesan went a little crazy. He acted in a manner unbecoming of a gentleman. Because a gentleman knows that when he is put in a rear naked choke he simply need perform a bridge escape. Even if his opponent takes mount, he knows his elbow escapes and his half guard scorpion sweeps and can act accordingly. Jiu jitsu jokes! Goodbye Kesan. You were not made for this world.

Also, shut up Fonzworth Bentley.