We Live In A Tweenotocracy

My DVR farted out during the Teen Choice Awards last night, so now the only way I can show you what really happened in the epic finale to the Miley/Mandy ACDC dance off is through this horribly pixelated version that some child probably spent all night making with a flashlight under the covers. A flashlight and a laptop.

So, that’s it. In the end, it was not about the dancing, but about who could get a rented out auditorium full of prepubescent girls to shriek the loudest. Fair enough. I think we’ve all learned an important lesson about the evaluation of merit in this country. The good news is that the contest was decided by applause-o-meter (the best kind of o-meter), and not by “Judge Fergie,” as a news source reported yesterday. I knew no one would ever give Fergie any kind of control over anything, ever.

But seriously, how funny was it when Miley Cyrus turned her finale dance routine into an LL Cool J concert but clearly wasn’t confident that children would even know who the 40-year-old performer was, so she had giant screens blast his name epileptically in a way that signaled “APPLAUSE TIME”? Answer: pretty funny until you remembered this was supposed to be a dance off, not a who knows the oldest guy off.