SPOILER ALERT: Miley Cyrus Takes Adam Sevani To Popularity Contest School

The 10th annual Teen Choice Awards were held in Hollywood last night, giving out the coveted (really?) Surfboards in categories like Best Bromantic Comedy, and Best Hook Up. You can tell that it’s an important awards show because it’s not airing until tonight? So all of the award winners have been announced in the press, but no one has actually seen the show? Perfect. Is it actually organized by teenagers? Because that is retarded.

Anyway, the only reason you have it DVR’ed for tonight’s broadcast on FOX, and I know you have it DVR’ed for tonight’s broadcast on FOX, is to see the finale of the Miley and Mandy vs. Adam Chu Dance Crew dance off. Unfortunately, some genius bar over at E! has already dropped the bomb on who came out victorious.

The 15-year-old queen o’ the teens [Miley Cyrus] also scored bragging rights tonight when she and pal Mandy Jiroux took on Adam Sevani and Jon Chu’s ACDC troupe in a dance-off. Judge Fergie, going largely by the audience’s reaction, named M&M Cru the winner.

Let’s please hope that’s the last time the title “Judge Fergie” is ever used. We’ve only got a few years left, guys, there’s no time for this.

So that’s that. Just as I predicted, Miley stole the competition by moving it to the front lines of her tween army war on talent. Because there’s no way that she legitimately out-danced the ACDC. Shame on her.

Teens, your world is a lie, and I am happy to be leaving it.