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Early Morning Al Roker Rant

I have plenty of pet peeves, but one of the biggest is nervous laughter. I hate when you’re talking to someone, usually someone you don’t know that well, an acquaintance, or a co-worker, or someone you’ve just met, and they laugh after innocuous statements of fact because they’re socially anxious. “What are you up to this weekend?” “Oh, I think I’m going to see a movie with friends.” “HAHAHAHHAHA, that’s great.” Um, what? Did I miss the joke? Where was the joke? You’re laughing so loudly, surely there must have been a joke told. No? You’re just mediocre and don’t know how to be nice to people without faking your emotional response? When I’m president there’s going to be nationwide ban on handguns and nervous laughter.

That’s what I feel the whole world is doing whenever Al Roker appears on television. “HAHAHAHHAHA, he likes barbecue.” What? That’s not even remotely amusing. Everyone loves barbecue. “HAHAHAHHA, he got gastric bypass surgery.” As a goof? Did he get it as a goof? Why is everyone laughing without making eye contact? You know that guy at work who thinks he’s hilarious and is always “entertaining” everyone with his inane jokes? The guy that David Brent and Michael Scott are based on? They’re fueled by this laughter, because they can’t tell the difference between nervous laughter and real laughter, and they have to take what they can get. So whenever you nervous laugh, you’re empowering monsters. Think about that!

In this clip, Al Roker appears on a Washington DC morning news affiliate, talking about his upcoming trip to the Beijing Olympics. The whole thing is one long nervous laugh. Try not to punch it (the clip) in the face.

You know, in watching that clip for the fourth time, it could be that Al Roker infiltrated the morning news crowd and we’re looking at a Donnie Brasco situation. It could be that Al Roker was sent on some top secret mission to bring down morning news from the inside, but he got too deep and now he can’t get out. He’s become the Don, and is so caught up in a dangerous web of his own mediocrity that he can’t do anything other than greet people like an animatronic puppet at the start of a Disney ride about failure. Or maybe he’s just the worst. He’s probably the worst.