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Marty McFly’s Hoverboard Will Go To The Saddest Bidder

Last month there were reports that Nike was going to be creating a limited number of HyperDunks, the ridiculous clownsketball shoes worn by Marty McFly in Back to the Future 2: Full Throttle. Now, someone has put the hoverboard up for sale on eBay. It’s got a minimum bid of 30,000 dollars, or 4 Euros (currency joke!). The starving people of Darfur are waiting with baited breath to see (eat) who wins the bidding war! From the product description (via Neatorama):

Two styles of Hoverboard were made for and employed in the film – lightweight boards of styrofoam construction and thick and durable wood-based props – this example is the latter, and is recognized as the best example of all wood Hoverboards to have survived the rigors of filming. The illusion of Michael J. Fox as “Marty McFly” hovering through the air was achieved with practical effects, with actors in rigged harnesses being “flown” via cranes, with special effects taking care of the rest.

Buy it here. The BTTFII:FT hoverboard has a special place in my heart not only because it has a special place in everyone’s heart who was 11 years old when that movie came out, and not only because Robert Zemeckis LIED to the AMERICAN MEDIA in a press junket interview claiming that hoverboards were real and that they’d been kept off the market by parent groups, thus breeding so much anti-parent sentiment in all the children, but because my best friend at the time, Matt Bowen, found an ad in the back of Popular Science (we weren’t nerds, we used the pages of Popular Science to roll a bunch of drug cigarettes, like so many, we were constantly stoning) claiming that for 25 dollars you could get instructions on making a real hoverboard.

For a couple of weeks, while we waited for the instructions to arrive in the mail, we traded plans on just how we would use the hoverboards to make everyone else ashamed that they weren’t as great as us. And then the instructions arrived and it was like:

Step 1: get a piece of lightweight plywood
Step 2: get a vaccuum cleaner motor

And I couldn’t read the rest through the shame tears and outrage spittle.

Whatever, FUCK HOVERBOARDS. I’m an adult now, meaning I can drink alcohol and watch television whenever I want. Those are the only two benefits, but trust me when i say that I am taking FULL ADVANTAGE. This false economy of broken dreams is insulting. Whoever buys this insanely overpriced piece of nerdstalgia better be opening a Hard Rock Cafe or some shit, and by opening a Hard Rock Cafe I mean volunteering for Doctors Without Borders. I’m depressed.