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Big Brother Is Watching You, Bro

Imagine a world in which Forest Whitaker directs a four minute long dystopian nightmare featuring an oversized skateboard, a “magical gourd of elixir,” a Native American elevator operator, and a SWAT team chase through a second-rate Dark City that turns out to be an advertisement for Mountain Dew. Still having trouble picturing it? Impossible is nothing:

WHAT? Mountain Dew probably didn’t even pay Forest Whitaker to make that. He came to them. He was like “This story needs to be told. I only took those Hollywood movies so I could fund my dream project, which is this retarded Mountain Dew ad. I’m the worst. I’ll show myself to the door.” That’s a transcript of the pitch meeting.

Even though this is ad is a couple years old, Mountain Dew still has the viral site (viral sites, so hot right now) up where you can make your own DewMocracy videos (DewMocracy. Yikes. I hope you’re standing on the shoulders of your forefathers so that you can reach up and put that noose around your neck because this is ridiculous). Check out the clips. My favorites are “Blowin’ Up,” “River Battle,” and “Vegas Fu.” If you put all of those together with a Nickelback song in the background it would be so X-Treme that your puka shell necklace would explode and Red Bull would gush from your severed neck like a fountain. And I would play in that fountain.