Videogum

Usher Wants To Make Love In This Office

Anyone who has worked in an office has had weird office experiences, which is one of the reasons why people think The Office is funny, because it’s something they can relate to. For example, I had a job once where the company threw a Halloween party in the cafeteria, and everyone packed into this nearly windowless room to watch grown adults parade around in the saddest costumes, while two dudes from accounts payable hosted by reading knock knock jokes they’d printed off a Halloween listserve. The main difference between my horrific office experiences that were disturbing and made me constantly question the path my life was taking and this video is that Usher wasn’t there.

Just kidding, Usher was always up in my office, dry humping everyone. We just started giving him work to do, mostly clerical but some administrative. He was put in charge of organizing the bagel bashes for department birthdays. He was always saying stuff like “Who moved my cheddar?” and “Lip sync for the job you want, not the job you have.” Management-speak jokes, son!

You know, just because you film something in a conference room with drop ceilings and fluorescent lighting at a radio station doesn’t change the fact that you’re in a conference room with drop ceilings and fluorescent lighting, and three quarters of those people bouncing around would rather be at their desk looking for deals on Zappos.com. I’m sure Luscious Liz and Stacey Stace had fun, but I’ll bet you most of the others saw it differently.

I wish someone had made a video of the part where Usher was led downstairs into his limousine and everyone else had to go back to their cubicles and finish that report on how they were going to commit suicide by three o’clock.