No Cute Chicks Were Harmed In The Sasquatch Theft Of Summer ’08

John Hodgman reports that a Sasquatch mascot statue similar to one he owns at his home in “Internetless Hills, MA,” has been stolen from a place where such a theft is worthy of local news:

John claims to have had nothing to do with the theft, and as the TV reporter carefully explains, the Sasquatch cannot have run away because it doesn’t have real feet, and a “missing Sasquatch report has been filed” with the local police, who sound like they already have paperwork for that. But more important: why is the Niki’s Quick Six convenience store populated only by attractive women?