The Fraggle Rock Movie Will NOT Be A Metaphor For Iraq

Cory Edwards, who is writing the script for the upcoming Fraggle Rock movie, posted some important updates on his blog (via /film):

“[The outline] is the product of many meetings with the Henson and Weinstein folks, and has every little story beat we could think of,” writes Edwards on his blog. “The outline as been picked at, beat up, and shot at for any major problems. So now I have the freedom to lock myself in my laboratory and create, knowing that I am working from a road map that everyone has signed off on.”

That sounds simple enough. A screenwriter has been given the go ahead with an approved outline to carve out the gentle humor and classic lovability of a Jim Henson franchise. But it was not without a few bumps in the road first. After the jump, a list of the major problems that were “picked at, beat up, and shot at” in the initial outline meeting.

  • The movie cannot open with a 10 minute montage of human rights atrocities recreated with Muppets.
  • Fraggles do not “dabble” with heroin “after their father dies.”
  • Even if “Pimp” Fraggle doesn’t follow the storyline his name implies, it should be changed.
  • While we at the Weinstein company agree that prejudice against homosexuals is the most important civil rights issue facing our nation today, we don’t agree that this is the project to overcome that tremendous hurdle.
  • Pages 45-48 are simply inappropriate.
  • The insinuation that Fraggles achieve sexual maturity at the age of 3 and have fluid gender roles does not add to the story.
  • Doozers should not be a metaphor for the U.S. policy towards immigration.
  • It was never Jim Henson’s intention for the Fraggles to greet each other by screaming “LIBERTARIANISM IS RIGHT” in each other’s faces.
  • How do you plan on showing a copy of Tom Frank’s What’s The Matter With Kansas? quote ‘sitting dog-eared on a Fraggle coffee table’? The Fraggles do not have coffee tables.
  • Surely you realize the 2008 election will be over long before this movie reaches theaters, and your coded endorsement or Ron Paul will have no impact.

The segments on abortion notification rights for parents of teenagers, the inequality of the modern tax code, and the unsettlingly fast spread of mega-churches into suburban areas will remain intact.