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It’s Miley Cyrus’s World, We Just Live Until She Says Otherwise In It

As we all know, it’s Miley and Mandy’s turn to submit a video to the YouTube dance-off with the Adam Chu Dance Crew. They got crushed in the last round, just painfully dominated. Mandy should probably have dropped out of show-business. The last volley came out April 30th, and now Mandy has announced that her next video will drop June 10th. June 10th? That is so long from now. Hollywood is a fickle mistress (is there another type of mistress, btw?) Miley Cyrus. You should be faster in your videos before we all forget who you even are.

Anyway, in preparation for her next video, she released this sloppy entreaty to her fans.

Whoa. Did anyone else think “If Miley Cyrus was raising a child army, we would all be enslaved”? Did you think that word-for-word? I know, right. The only hope that I have for when Miley Cyrus finally decides she is ready for world domination and summons her legion of monsters is that she’ll have such a raspy voice from her tour diet of menthol cigarettes and wine coolers no one will be able to understand her dictatorial speeches. Unrest will grow among the bedraggled citizenry as hope for a new era fades in the light of the roadways collapse and the crops die in the fields, and that’s when the counter-revolutionary military coup will move in. Spearheaded by our glorious leader, Elle Fanning.