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Paradise Hotel 2 Finale: A Night Of A Thousand Twists

The Paradise Hotel 2 finale last night was nuts. If season finales are intended to encapsulate not only the dramatic arc of a season, but also the spirit of the show at its very best, then this episode did not disappoint. Because reality shows are cheaper to produce than regular shows and this one is direct-to-cable making it cheaper still, PH2 (that’s how I refer to it to my homies at the discotheque) couldn’t rely on celebrity catch-phrases or expensive challenges, all they had going for them was copious amounts of alcohol, lazy unemployed twenty somethings who liked wearing leather medallions, and the willingness to change the rules so regularly that you needed a Copernican knowledge of probabilities and human calculus to understand (Copernicus is the mathematician who gave us the Law of Immunity). In the final elimination ceremony there were seventeen twists.

That is actually too many twists. You would think that in the Paradise Hotel 2 board room (where the conference table is covered in bottled water and condoms) someone would have said “Hey, you guys, I think we have too many twists here. Let’s get rid of at least nine of these twists. Kelly, is there any of that pineapple flavored cocaine-infused chewing gum left?”

Still, good work, PH2. You set out to be one of the most ridiculous reality shows on telelvision, and you succeeded. You did not surpass expectations, you just met them with the same lack of cognitive focus and lazy self-awareness as the people who starred on you. Please come back soon.