90210: Don’t Buy!

The CW is bringing 90210 back this fall, you guys, with a whole new cast of delightful, heartwarming characters:

OK, so this looks like a horrible hybrid between the worst parts of The O.C. with the worst parts of a Pringles commercial, but let’s not forget that we don’t have to be passive viewers of television. For example, I choose to believe that Tristan Wilds is still playing Michael Lee from The Wire. Suddenly, my mind has created the most amazing show on television, and your mind is welcome. Michael has been taken out of “a bad situation” (Baltimore), and is enjoying the same type of attention and opportunity granted to fellow former-hopper, Namond Brice under the care of Bunny Colvin. Wait until you see some of the trouble (gun play during a student council meeting on the storage of surfboards in the cafeteria) that Michael gets into on his first day at his new school (“Welcome to the 23rd Senate District, bitch.”)

And I also choose to believe that Jessica Walter is still playing Lucille Bluth from Arrested Development. I’ve just upgraded this show from a “triple sell” to a “don’t buy!”